Life is funny. Funny how I've lived my life trying to be accepted by the "celebrity" of my life. Funny he doesn't give a damn about what I think. He is the free one. Living his life no matter the cost. Me - I'm bound. Bound by morals, values, the eyes of others, the "who's. who's.. Shit I'm tired. Tired of living for him. We're getting use to seeing him walking in the opposite direction. Always fleeing from us when things aren't what he thinks they should be. He's been deceiving me. Just made b/c my mask came off. The matrix is clear. Somebody unplugged me.

I have been away for a moment. Seems as though a life-time. Been doing some serious soul searching. Found out my soul is half empty. Everything can no longer be about a man. I miss him though. I miss him so. Found out I'm a PERFECTIONIST and no one ever measures up. Especially him. Want things my way so they they take the highway. I'm afraid of love and what it has to offer. Meanwhile I'm steadily searching for the unobtainable, setting myself up for disappointment, b/c it can't be had, he can't be had.

I love her. She is my joy. My earth, my smile. Loves with no conditions. I found strength in her again. Was ready to lay down, no more fight. Sorry to the heavens. I got one more round in me!